Hospital Appointment

Hi everyone.

So I have just finished one post but I'm going to upload this one straight away aswell because I have been thinking about it for a couple of weeks now. 

My Hospital appointment is tomorrow to see my fertility specialist. A couple of months ago would of been really excited to just get there and see what is going to happen from here on out , but for the past two weeks or so I have had this overwhelming urge to just forget about everything....give up....stop trying or whatever you want to call it.
I think it started on CD 6 when my Fertility monitor asked me to test , but I had already gone to the loo and i just could not be bothered to worry about it any more! (it usually doesn't ask me to test this early into the cycle so it caught me off guard!).
As the days went on I stopped temping and writing all my symptoms ect down, and it felt like a weight off my shoulders. I went home and talked to Andrew about it all and about how I was feeling and he was understanding, I just feel like now is the time to take a long break from TTC. 
To get IVF even privately you have to of been trying for three years and were coming up to two years at the end of the month, also we now have money saved to take two amazing holidays next year to Ibiza in the summer and NYC in the winter! we have something to look forward to and keep us our plan is this......we stop trying for a year, we enjoy life enjoy being just us two and the dog for a while, enjoy these these two amazing holidays we have lined up, and just feel OK with that. Then the third year comes around and we will of saved money up, had our holidays and feel ready again to TTC, and this time we will go straight to the IVF clinic (Privately) and pay for our first round of IVF and keep our fingers crossed!

It sounds like a dramatic decision, and I suppose it is in a way but I feel exhausted with it all now...there is only so much rejection and failure one person can feel before throwing in towel and I think I have reached my limit!

That said though I am going to my appointment tomorrow to see my doctor and if he decides to put me on a low dosage of Chlomid then I'm going to give it a try, I wasn't going to but my friend made a very good point to me, she said "But if you don't try it will you not feel like 'what if'?"  and the type of person I am I think I would feel like what if I could of got pregnant on Chlomid!? So yes I will try what ever he offers me as a last resort before throwing in my towel!!! Lets just hope I don't need to throw it in and the Chlomid is my miracle maker!

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