what a weird day !

So today has been such a weird day! I have been up and down with emotions today, and craving junk food! I NEED CARBS!!!!!! Pizza and cans of coke at the ready or I will not be a happy bunny!
The other reason its been a weird day is because I just suddenly started to feel like I wanted to get right back into "trying" again!? 
When I say trying I mean like starting to use my clearblue fertility monitor again and start charting again. The only thing is the reason why I stopped all these things is because I felt like it had started to consume me ! My whole life became revolved around this little monitor that I would shove a pee covered stick in and it would basically say "yey" or "ney" to baby dancing !! Although I became more aware of my body and what was happening and when ,it was also making me more aware of what cycle day I was and when I could test even before my missed AF ! And I had all the apps set to tell me where I was in my cycle and documenting how I was feeling and what symptoms I had that day .........I was exhausting myself with all these monitors, tests and charts! 
So.......why on earth would I want to go through all that again I hear you ask????? Because when you want to be a mammy as much as I do you will go through ANYTHING to get it ! Even if that means regimenting my whole life again ! 
I think what also made me feel hopeful again was that I started to look up the fertility drug Chlomid (what I will be getting put on In August) on youtube and came across this really sweet girl called Edith (youtube channel: WannaBMommy2B) she had been going through what we had been going through and she was put onto chlomid. After 3 rounds of chlomid she fell pregnant .....with twins !!! Check her channel out for her full story !
So this gave me some new encouragement that its not our time to give up just yet, and this chlomid might just be our saviour ! 
 I also just want to mention in this post another girl I came across on youtube a few months ago because she is just a ray of sunshine ! Every single video she posts on youtube makes me smile from her video of craving cupcakes while pregnant to her recent one she posted on her facebook page of her month old baby Eden smiling for her mummy ! You should for sure check her out ! 
Youtube channel; shayleeandbaby 

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